After I graduated law school I moved in with my on again/off again boyfriend. For the record, this was NOT a good idea. We moved in together in August and I moved out in February. In those short few months our lives changes so much that we didn't even know each other at the end. It was sad and horrible and that is really all that I remember when I remember him.
But of course, that was not all that there was to the relationship. There were laughs and good times and inside jokes and vacations. And support. And love. But I don't remember any of that when he crawls in to my mind.
Recently I reconnected with a mutual friend from law school and she asked me, "So do you still see him?" I struggled for some nice way to say that I hoped to never see him again. She brought up a few memories of our time together and it was almost like I was listening to her tell a story about people I didn't know. I mean, once she brought up the story, I had the same memories, but I they didn't seem to fit in with my recollection of the past. I don't remember the the happy moments.
On Tuesday when I was riffling through the attic I came across lots of pictures of our time together. And the watch he gave me for Christmas one year. And the note his mother wrote me to thank me for being so "wonderful" when his father died. All sorts of tangible evidence that our time together wasn't all bad.
I have had other important men in my life - both before and after this guy - way more important by comparison, even. But when I think about the other guys, I feel indifferent. I can remember the good times and even laugh about the bad. I feel nostalgic for the things I miss and embarrassed for the stupid things I have done. But not with this guy, all I remember is negative and all I feel is angry that I wasted 3 years of my life.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Bullets
I have a lot of unrelated thoughts in my head today.
- I need a date for my friend Laurie's wedding at the end of August. Initially, my friend was going to accompany me since he knows the bride and several other guests, but it seems now that he has to be out of town for work. So I am considering asking an old friend, who also knows a few people who will be at the wedding. The only problem is that I haven't really spoken to him in about a year. LOL. I don't want to make any trouble if he is dating someone now (though I hear he isn't and his facebook says he is single). And it also seems kind of odd for me to call and say, "Hey, Steve, haven't spoken to you in a year, but Laurie is getting married and I was thinking you'd might be my date." So if any of you want to come to a wedding - free food, free booze and lots of fun! - let me know and save me the embarrassment of calling Steve.
- My bank froze my entire checking and savings account yesterday and then levied about $1200.00 while keeping the rest frozen. How great is that considering I had just written out like 4 checks? Oh, yeah. Bank error. They had an order to levy a different account for a different person. Thank God I check my statements online so often. So this morning my funds were back in place and things seem to be ok. I have had 3 crazy incidents with this bank and I am thinking it might be time to move on.
- I didn't work yesterday because I was still feeling the effects of the super summer cold. Oh, and because I had to figure out the whole bank levy crap. But it also gave me a chance to finally find the title to my truck that had been missing for like 8 years or so. It was in a box of crap in the attic - which is, of course, the ideal place to store the proof that you own one of the most expensive things you own. I also cleaned out a few boxes of junk from the attic and donated 5 big garbage bags of clothes. Lord only knows why I was storing boxes and boxes of clothes from before my surgery. I hope someone else can use them. There were some nice business suits in the mix.
- I also bought a new bathing suit yesterday. I have many more suits than I really need since I don't go to the beach nearly as often as I used to. But this suit was just too adorable for words. It is like a little romper with shorts and a halter top. Very Gidget and Moon Doggie. Now who want to hit the beach so I can show it off?
Labels:
Randomness
Monday, July 27, 2009
Bloody Monday
Every other Monday is blood day for me. So this afternoon I get to head off to chemo-land, get poked and proded and hang out while they decide how much iron, platlets and other good stuff they need to give me. It is not really so terrible - my doctor does look like a young Sean Conery. But nonetheless, I still don't really love going.
********************************
The weekend was great. Really great actually.
I finally saw Harry Potter. My sister and I took Gram to see it and she was elated. It was the first time she was in a movie theater in more than 40 years. Sometimes I forget that a lot of her weirdness probably has to do with the fact that she was a really passive, submissive and sheltered for so many years. Now when she is forced to fend for herself, she really doesn't know how. If she only wasn't so mean, we would all be able to help her so much better.
I also did some shopping, went out to eat way too much, got caught in the rain a few times and hung out with my friends. After the great weekend, I woke up this morning with a stupid summer cold.
Which leads me to this question: When you have to blow your nose at work, do you excuse yourself to the restroom or just blow away?
I have been hitting the restroom, but after my sixth trip in an hour, I am thinking I need to be public about my nose blowing!
********************************
The weekend was great. Really great actually.
I finally saw Harry Potter. My sister and I took Gram to see it and she was elated. It was the first time she was in a movie theater in more than 40 years. Sometimes I forget that a lot of her weirdness probably has to do with the fact that she was a really passive, submissive and sheltered for so many years. Now when she is forced to fend for herself, she really doesn't know how. If she only wasn't so mean, we would all be able to help her so much better.
I also did some shopping, went out to eat way too much, got caught in the rain a few times and hung out with my friends. After the great weekend, I woke up this morning with a stupid summer cold.
Which leads me to this question: When you have to blow your nose at work, do you excuse yourself to the restroom or just blow away?
I have been hitting the restroom, but after my sixth trip in an hour, I am thinking I need to be public about my nose blowing!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wrong Number
Amen to the end of one the longest weeks ever. Damn. I needed antoher weekend halfway through Monday morning! I am just so ready for a fun and relaxing few days.
***************************
So I have often posted examples of how my grandma is semi-senile and kind of mean for an old person. There was the OnStar incident - where she thought Chevy was going to lead her down a deserted road and kill her. The famous moment where she called me an "easy whore" out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever. And the daily unplugging of all appliances before bed time - yes, this include the fridge.
Well apparently over the course of 6 months or so Gram has gotten a "wrong number" call from the same number 7 times. How does she know exactly how many times it has been? Oh, she keeps a log of all incoming calls, of course. The first time she answered and when the gentleman on the other end of the phone asked for a woman who as was not Gram, she did not say "You have the wrong number" as most of us would. Nope. She asked him a series of questions and recorded his answers in her log. "What town are you calling?" "Where do you live?" "How old are you?" "Is this a cell phone?" The caller hung up after the 4th question.
Over the next few months the same number called Gram's house, but she didn't answer again. And no message was ever left. Most recently the number called at 10:47 PM and 11:59 PM on a Friday night.
So on Saturday morning following the two Friday night calls, my Gram calls me, demanding that I sit in her house and wait for the number to call again so that I can answer the phone and tell the caller that he has the wrong number. Sure, that is logical, right? See, she is convinced that this "Man" calling the house knows that she is widow and wants to either a) rape her, b) rob her or c) disturb her sleep patterns. She also feels that this "Man" was paid by my grandfather - who has been dead for almost 5 years - to call the house and distrub her.
I told Gram to give me the number and I considered calling the number and saying something along the lines of "Hi. I am not sure who you are trying to reach at 973-555-5555, but my grandma lives there and she is an old, paranoid woman and you are scaring her. Please check your number and edit your speed dial." But instead I did just a reverse 411 and found it was a cell phone. Then after some discussions with the phone company, I found out how block the number. This should put an end to all the whackiness. I hope.
But now she is convinced that this man will show up at her house if he cannot call her. She claims that she cannot sleep because she has to keep a vigil, looking out for the man. I told her flat out that if she too scared to live in the house by herself, we would have to sell the house and she could live in a safer place where there were people to watch her. She got insulted by that, but I don't have another option.
I cannot quit my job and put my life on hold to sit at her house and protect her from wrong numbers and fictional rapists. And that is honestly what she expects me to do. She expects that whenever she is scared, I will come and stay with her. She tells her friends at church and the hair salon how cruel I am to her because I refuse to acknowlege her and validate her whacky fears. I often wonder if the strangers think that I really as mean as she makes me out to be.
***************************
So I have often posted examples of how my grandma is semi-senile and kind of mean for an old person. There was the OnStar incident - where she thought Chevy was going to lead her down a deserted road and kill her. The famous moment where she called me an "easy whore" out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever. And the daily unplugging of all appliances before bed time - yes, this include the fridge.
Well apparently over the course of 6 months or so Gram has gotten a "wrong number" call from the same number 7 times. How does she know exactly how many times it has been? Oh, she keeps a log of all incoming calls, of course. The first time she answered and when the gentleman on the other end of the phone asked for a woman who as was not Gram, she did not say "You have the wrong number" as most of us would. Nope. She asked him a series of questions and recorded his answers in her log. "What town are you calling?" "Where do you live?" "How old are you?" "Is this a cell phone?" The caller hung up after the 4th question.
Over the next few months the same number called Gram's house, but she didn't answer again. And no message was ever left. Most recently the number called at 10:47 PM and 11:59 PM on a Friday night.
So on Saturday morning following the two Friday night calls, my Gram calls me, demanding that I sit in her house and wait for the number to call again so that I can answer the phone and tell the caller that he has the wrong number. Sure, that is logical, right? See, she is convinced that this "Man" calling the house knows that she is widow and wants to either a) rape her, b) rob her or c) disturb her sleep patterns. She also feels that this "Man" was paid by my grandfather - who has been dead for almost 5 years - to call the house and distrub her.
I told Gram to give me the number and I considered calling the number and saying something along the lines of "Hi. I am not sure who you are trying to reach at 973-555-5555, but my grandma lives there and she is an old, paranoid woman and you are scaring her. Please check your number and edit your speed dial." But instead I did just a reverse 411 and found it was a cell phone. Then after some discussions with the phone company, I found out how block the number. This should put an end to all the whackiness. I hope.
But now she is convinced that this man will show up at her house if he cannot call her. She claims that she cannot sleep because she has to keep a vigil, looking out for the man. I told her flat out that if she too scared to live in the house by herself, we would have to sell the house and she could live in a safer place where there were people to watch her. She got insulted by that, but I don't have another option.
I cannot quit my job and put my life on hold to sit at her house and protect her from wrong numbers and fictional rapists. And that is honestly what she expects me to do. She expects that whenever she is scared, I will come and stay with her. She tells her friends at church and the hair salon how cruel I am to her because I refuse to acknowlege her and validate her whacky fears. I often wonder if the strangers think that I really as mean as she makes me out to be.
Labels:
family crap
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Feeling The Guilt
I am taking a BIG TEST on September 12. It seems like a long time from now. But I know that I have to start preparing or I will be screwed. I haven't really told many people that I am taking said test because I think it will lead to series of questions that I don't want to answer. I haven't even told my dad (and somehow dad gets everything out of me). But I committed to taking the test and I want to do well.
Ergo, I need to develop and stick to a study schedule. I figure if I can devote 2 hours 3 nights a week and 4 or 5 hours on the weekend to studying, I should be prepared come the big day.
So yeah, have I mentioned that I am going to see Harry Potter movie tonight.
I guess that studying part will have to wait until tomorrow.
Ergo, I need to develop and stick to a study schedule. I figure if I can devote 2 hours 3 nights a week and 4 or 5 hours on the weekend to studying, I should be prepared come the big day.
So yeah, have I mentioned that I am going to see Harry Potter movie tonight.
I guess that studying part will have to wait until tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Love It or Leave It
********This has been half-written and in my que forever. Since I am not creative today, I figure we will re-visit this masterpiece.***********
What would you be willing to change about yourself for someone else? I am not talking about compromise. I am referring to altering something about yourself for another.
I guess we have all been there.
This is phenomena that has always interested me. I am not really willing to change all that much about myself so that someone else would approve. That doesn't mean I haven't tried to change, but any change that I make has to come from my desire to change and not from your desire to change me. And in the end, I will always resent anyone who pushes me toward changes - even if they are for my own good. I want to be like/loved/understood/cherished/worthy just the way I am. No - I am not perfect, but I am holding out for someone who will accept my flaws.
But I have seen many friends change drastically over the years. Giving up careers they loved to stay home because their husband preferred that they don't work. Suddenly attending church services weekly because faith was important to a new boyfriend. Picking up a drug pretty serious drug habit because that the crowd he hangs out with. A life long Eagles fan suddenly liking the Mets because that is HIS team.
I have to wonder what type of impact my unwillingness to change has had on my life. I have certainly had people encourage me to (and flat out demand that I) change things about myself. I can see that some of those things were requested from concern, but to me it felt more like control. There was certainly no guarantee that if I quit smoking (for example) the guy would have been satisfied and we would have lived happily ever after. But what if I had tried?
In the end I will always be willing to compromise, but I don't think I will ever be willing to change ME for anyone else. Are there things you are willing to change? Are their changes you expected and/or accomplished in others?
What would you be willing to change about yourself for someone else? I am not talking about compromise. I am referring to altering something about yourself for another.
I guess we have all been there.
- He would love me more if I was just a little thinner or if I quit smoking or if I was a little more adventurous.
- We could take this relationship to the next level if I moved to Atlanta with him.
- He hates that I make more money than him, so I will switch jobs.
- I always wanted to have a baby, but he has one from his first marriage and he doesn't want anymore.
This is phenomena that has always interested me. I am not really willing to change all that much about myself so that someone else would approve. That doesn't mean I haven't tried to change, but any change that I make has to come from my desire to change and not from your desire to change me. And in the end, I will always resent anyone who pushes me toward changes - even if they are for my own good. I want to be like/loved/understood/cherished/worthy just the way I am. No - I am not perfect, but I am holding out for someone who will accept my flaws.
But I have seen many friends change drastically over the years. Giving up careers they loved to stay home because their husband preferred that they don't work. Suddenly attending church services weekly because faith was important to a new boyfriend. Picking up a drug pretty serious drug habit because that the crowd he hangs out with. A life long Eagles fan suddenly liking the Mets because that is HIS team.
I have to wonder what type of impact my unwillingness to change has had on my life. I have certainly had people encourage me to (and flat out demand that I) change things about myself. I can see that some of those things were requested from concern, but to me it felt more like control. There was certainly no guarantee that if I quit smoking (for example) the guy would have been satisfied and we would have lived happily ever after. But what if I had tried?
In the end I will always be willing to compromise, but I don't think I will ever be willing to change ME for anyone else. Are there things you are willing to change? Are their changes you expected and/or accomplished in others?
Labels:
Heart Issues,
not me?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Woe Is Me
So those of you who follow me on The Facebook might have read that I had my feeling hurt this weekend. I guess I do tend to be sensitive. My feelings can get hurt rather easily when I trust or care about someone. I try to be a good friend and I guess I expect a lot from my friends.
That being said, I have had quite a transition in friends in the past two years or so. I lost my very best over something that I still don't understand. We are very slowly trying to reconnect, but I don't think I am every going to get over the way he shunned me. (I like to pretend I am Amish whenever possible.) It was cruel and no matter what he thinks I did to him, I know I deserved an explanation. I will never trust him to be a close friend again.
Then there is the married couple, who I have blogged about a few times. They got married, had a baby and didn't have any use for me anymore. I am no longer invited or welcome to their events and they do not bother to even respond when I invite them places. They didn't ask or care when I lost my business (and then my job) and was going through rough times, but they expected me to be there when they had a baby. I know people grow apart and change, but we were so close. I wasn't supposed to happen to us.
But at the same time as those people were moving out of my life, a great group of girlfriends was moving in. They are supportive, understanding and funny. They have seen the transitions that I have been going through and they are more than enough to fill the voids. I also have been spending time with an interesting guy who cares about me. All in all my life is pretty darn good right now.
Well, back to the point. Every year (or twice a year really) a group of friends take a day trip to the beach on a rented bus. I have gone for the past few years and it is always a lot of fun. And that trip was yesterday. And I wasn't invited. I am not really sure why, but it doesn't really matter. I guess I had no right to expect to be invited, but of course, I did expect it. And it is likely that I wouldn't have gone on Sunday night anyway because my work schedule is different than it has been the past few years. But not being able to go is different than not being invited.
So on Sunday I did my best to avoid everyone who was going on the trip because every time I ran into someone who would ask me "Are you coming on the bus trip?" it killed me to have to say "No". I didn't want to say that I wasn't included. I was flat out rude to a few people because I didn't want to talk about the trip.
I might sound petty. Or silly. It sounds silly to me as I sit here and type this, but nonetheless it hurt my feelings. The situation isn't going to effect my life in any huge way, but having your feelings hurt never feels good.
That being said, I have had quite a transition in friends in the past two years or so. I lost my very best over something that I still don't understand. We are very slowly trying to reconnect, but I don't think I am every going to get over the way he shunned me. (I like to pretend I am Amish whenever possible.) It was cruel and no matter what he thinks I did to him, I know I deserved an explanation. I will never trust him to be a close friend again.
Then there is the married couple, who I have blogged about a few times. They got married, had a baby and didn't have any use for me anymore. I am no longer invited or welcome to their events and they do not bother to even respond when I invite them places. They didn't ask or care when I lost my business (and then my job) and was going through rough times, but they expected me to be there when they had a baby. I know people grow apart and change, but we were so close. I wasn't supposed to happen to us.
But at the same time as those people were moving out of my life, a great group of girlfriends was moving in. They are supportive, understanding and funny. They have seen the transitions that I have been going through and they are more than enough to fill the voids. I also have been spending time with an interesting guy who cares about me. All in all my life is pretty darn good right now.
Well, back to the point. Every year (or twice a year really) a group of friends take a day trip to the beach on a rented bus. I have gone for the past few years and it is always a lot of fun. And that trip was yesterday. And I wasn't invited. I am not really sure why, but it doesn't really matter. I guess I had no right to expect to be invited, but of course, I did expect it. And it is likely that I wouldn't have gone on Sunday night anyway because my work schedule is different than it has been the past few years. But not being able to go is different than not being invited.
So on Sunday I did my best to avoid everyone who was going on the trip because every time I ran into someone who would ask me "Are you coming on the bus trip?" it killed me to have to say "No". I didn't want to say that I wasn't included. I was flat out rude to a few people because I didn't want to talk about the trip.
I might sound petty. Or silly. It sounds silly to me as I sit here and type this, but nonetheless it hurt my feelings. The situation isn't going to effect my life in any huge way, but having your feelings hurt never feels good.
Labels:
My friends have issues,
not me?
Friday, July 17, 2009
Who Are You?
Just today our very favorite Real Live Lesbian mentioned that she is more of a National Park girl than a Vegas girl.
So leads me to ask you - What kind of vacationer are you?
I like my vacations to involve a cabana boy or a casino. Ideally both. But I am always game for a fun a road trip with some cool people too. Hiking - NO. Sleeping in a tent - Not for me. African Safari - Hell no. Backpacking through Europe - I'll be staying in the fancy hotel and meeting you in the cafes for brunch. I am not down for anything involves a Sherpa or the country of India. Did you see the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire? It is REALLY like that. And I am sorry, but my house is a zillion times more comfortable.
I am not as high maintenance as I sound. I promise. But I work freaking hard all year and on my vacation time I want to relax, not sacrifice. I do enjoy fishing and boating (which can be dirty and hard). But I want indoor pumbling and a soft bed at night.
How about you? What kind of vacationer are you?
So leads me to ask you - What kind of vacationer are you?
I like my vacations to involve a cabana boy or a casino. Ideally both. But I am always game for a fun a road trip with some cool people too. Hiking - NO. Sleeping in a tent - Not for me. African Safari - Hell no. Backpacking through Europe - I'll be staying in the fancy hotel and meeting you in the cafes for brunch. I am not down for anything involves a Sherpa or the country of India. Did you see the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire? It is REALLY like that. And I am sorry, but my house is a zillion times more comfortable.
I am not as high maintenance as I sound. I promise. But I work freaking hard all year and on my vacation time I want to relax, not sacrifice. I do enjoy fishing and boating (which can be dirty and hard). But I want indoor pumbling and a soft bed at night.
How about you? What kind of vacationer are you?
Labels:
Questions
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Confronting
I got an email on Wednesday evening from a girl who grew up on my block. We went grammar school together and rode our bikes around town. I think we even played on the same softball team for a while. I can't say we were ever very close, but I remember that she loved Wham and The Police and had a ping pong table in her basement. She wasn't one of the popular kids, but I'd hang out with her when no one else was around.
Her email was brutally honest and raw. She is in a lot of emotional pain stemming from things that happened in the past. Things that I was not really a part of and things that I hardly remember. But what was clear that she needed a friend. The only part that I don't understand is why she turned to me.
I tried my best to talk her off the ledge, but I don't know what good I did. I don't want to get into specifics because it would be too easy to laugh at her pain. And I don't want to do that. No matter why she is hurting, it is clear that she is and that she needs more help than my Suzy Sunshine response can provide.
But I mention this email for two reasons. First, because I am scared and confused that someone wrote me an email crying out for help when I have no idea what kind of help to give. And second, because I am jealous that she had the ability to go after answers that she has needed for 25 years without fear of weakness.
See, one of my biggest fears is looking weak or not being in control. I could never open myself up and ask someone, "Why did you hurt me?" I just pretend that I am not hurt. There have many times where I wanted to ask someone "Why didn't you call when you said you would?" But that would let that person know that their call was important to me and that somehow give him the upper hand. I need the upper hand. At all times.
What if I actually had the balls to say, "I thought everything was going great. Why did you suddenly stop returning my calls?" And what if I got no response. I would be mortified!
So I am now wrestling with confronting someone who hurt me. Just a short email to say, "What you did was not cool. I didn't deserve it. Don't do it to anyone else. I thought you were a better person than that and I feel foolish that I trusted you."
Should I do it? Would you do? Have you done something like this? What happens if I don't get a response?
Her email was brutally honest and raw. She is in a lot of emotional pain stemming from things that happened in the past. Things that I was not really a part of and things that I hardly remember. But what was clear that she needed a friend. The only part that I don't understand is why she turned to me.
I tried my best to talk her off the ledge, but I don't know what good I did. I don't want to get into specifics because it would be too easy to laugh at her pain. And I don't want to do that. No matter why she is hurting, it is clear that she is and that she needs more help than my Suzy Sunshine response can provide.
But I mention this email for two reasons. First, because I am scared and confused that someone wrote me an email crying out for help when I have no idea what kind of help to give. And second, because I am jealous that she had the ability to go after answers that she has needed for 25 years without fear of weakness.
See, one of my biggest fears is looking weak or not being in control. I could never open myself up and ask someone, "Why did you hurt me?" I just pretend that I am not hurt. There have many times where I wanted to ask someone "Why didn't you call when you said you would?" But that would let that person know that their call was important to me and that somehow give him the upper hand. I need the upper hand. At all times.
What if I actually had the balls to say, "I thought everything was going great. Why did you suddenly stop returning my calls?" And what if I got no response. I would be mortified!
So I am now wrestling with confronting someone who hurt me. Just a short email to say, "What you did was not cool. I didn't deserve it. Don't do it to anyone else. I thought you were a better person than that and I feel foolish that I trusted you."
Should I do it? Would you do? Have you done something like this? What happens if I don't get a response?
Labels:
My friends have issues,
not me?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Guest List
I am doing the invites for my grandma's surprise 80th birthday party. And I have hit a tough decisions regarding the guest list. I don't want to insult anyone by excluding them (especially since I know how that feels, having been excluded from my cousin's wedding in May). At the same time, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So I turn to you, Bloggy Friends, for your input and guidance.
My cousin's ex-husband. He has been part of our family for more than 25 years. He is the father to my cousin's 3 children - who will all be invited. All 3 kids live with him and his new wife, so I have to send an invite to the house anyway. (2 of the kids are adults who live with their dad). And I just plain like the guy - and so does my grandma. During the divorce my whole family remained close to the husband and he attended all of our family holidays. The divorce was not his choice - it was my cousin who cheated on him and left him for woman after 20+ years of marriage. I don't say that to cast blame on her at all. I was not part of their marriage and I am not judging. I just put that out there to say that he is not evil dog. Though, we were not invited to his second wedding with his new wife, we are invited to his home for all of the events involving his children (birthdays, graduations, communions).
However, my cousin, who is now in a happily committed relationship with her partner - doesn't like her ex. (I know. What a surprise.) Maybe it might be better to keep to peace at the party and exclude the him. Other family members have said that Mary, my cousin's partner, probably would walk out if she arrived at the party and saw the EX there. And while part of me thinks - So what! He has been part of our family way longer than you and he deserves to be here. Another part of me thinks that I should respect my cousin enough to honor her wishes.
But heck, we are all adults, right? Why can't we all just get along? Why do I have to cater to the person acting juvenile? What do you think?
My cousin's ex-husband. He has been part of our family for more than 25 years. He is the father to my cousin's 3 children - who will all be invited. All 3 kids live with him and his new wife, so I have to send an invite to the house anyway. (2 of the kids are adults who live with their dad). And I just plain like the guy - and so does my grandma. During the divorce my whole family remained close to the husband and he attended all of our family holidays. The divorce was not his choice - it was my cousin who cheated on him and left him for woman after 20+ years of marriage. I don't say that to cast blame on her at all. I was not part of their marriage and I am not judging. I just put that out there to say that he is not evil dog. Though, we were not invited to his second wedding with his new wife, we are invited to his home for all of the events involving his children (birthdays, graduations, communions).
However, my cousin, who is now in a happily committed relationship with her partner - doesn't like her ex. (I know. What a surprise.) Maybe it might be better to keep to peace at the party and exclude the him. Other family members have said that Mary, my cousin's partner, probably would walk out if she arrived at the party and saw the EX there. And while part of me thinks - So what! He has been part of our family way longer than you and he deserves to be here. Another part of me thinks that I should respect my cousin enough to honor her wishes.
But heck, we are all adults, right? Why can't we all just get along? Why do I have to cater to the person acting juvenile? What do you think?
Labels:
family crap
Monday, July 13, 2009
New Pillows
This weekend I revisited a my past. I went to my family's shore house. It doesn't seem so long ago that I spent every weekend down the shore. I grew up at that place and it is so much a part of who I am.
My family's shore house is in a private community of houses, seasonal cabins and house trailers. It is a bit off the beaten path, but close enough to the action to make it fun. We have lived there for 20 something years and I have a lot of great memories of the shore.
It is bittersweet to visit there now. Most of our wonderful neighbors have moved away. My step-mom has put her own little touches on the house and it is just is not the same. Someone took down the artwork I had on my bedroom wall and cleaned out the "junk" I accumulated in the drawers of my nightstand. I guess it is to be expected. I only visit there once or twice a year now, but makes me sad just the same.
The shore was my mom's thing. I know my dad would have preferred to get a lake house. He complained endlessly about the things the salt water was doing to his boat and the traffic on the highways and the bay. Dad was never one to enjoy lazing at the pool or hanging at any of the hookie parties at the clubhouse. But my mom relished every second of it all.
After my mom passed, I think my dad kept shore house for us kids. But we all have our own lives and our own comittments these days. It is not feasable for me to lug myself to the shore every weekend anymore. I expected that the house would be sold quickly after mom passed. But in the end, my dad found his own happiness at the shore. He spends time there during the week when it is less crowded. He has made friends with the new neighbors and has even attended a few pancake breakfasts at the clubhouse.
I am glad Dad has found a new way to enjoy what the family enjoyed for so many years and I am glad that I still have the opportunity to stay there whenever I want. But I just cannot help but feel a little bit like visitor in that place now. It is still referred to as my room and my bed, but someone replaced my pillow and I don't recoginze the new comforter and curtains.
So it was bittersweet. Visiting my past and realizing how it isn't my present.
My family's shore house is in a private community of houses, seasonal cabins and house trailers. It is a bit off the beaten path, but close enough to the action to make it fun. We have lived there for 20 something years and I have a lot of great memories of the shore.
It is bittersweet to visit there now. Most of our wonderful neighbors have moved away. My step-mom has put her own little touches on the house and it is just is not the same. Someone took down the artwork I had on my bedroom wall and cleaned out the "junk" I accumulated in the drawers of my nightstand. I guess it is to be expected. I only visit there once or twice a year now, but makes me sad just the same.
The shore was my mom's thing. I know my dad would have preferred to get a lake house. He complained endlessly about the things the salt water was doing to his boat and the traffic on the highways and the bay. Dad was never one to enjoy lazing at the pool or hanging at any of the hookie parties at the clubhouse. But my mom relished every second of it all.
After my mom passed, I think my dad kept shore house for us kids. But we all have our own lives and our own comittments these days. It is not feasable for me to lug myself to the shore every weekend anymore. I expected that the house would be sold quickly after mom passed. But in the end, my dad found his own happiness at the shore. He spends time there during the week when it is less crowded. He has made friends with the new neighbors and has even attended a few pancake breakfasts at the clubhouse.
I am glad Dad has found a new way to enjoy what the family enjoyed for so many years and I am glad that I still have the opportunity to stay there whenever I want. But I just cannot help but feel a little bit like visitor in that place now. It is still referred to as my room and my bed, but someone replaced my pillow and I don't recoginze the new comforter and curtains.
So it was bittersweet. Visiting my past and realizing how it isn't my present.
Labels:
family crap,
not me?,
shore
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Alone Time
I have been a little quiet. Not just on the web, but in my life. For some reason I have just felt the need to lay low and decompress. The idea of hanging on my sofa and watching TV or reading is much more appealing than socializing this week. I only get these blip every few years so I like to take advantage and rest up when I feel that vibe.
This weekend I am heading down to my family's shore house for a little more relaxation and beach time if the weather cooperates. There is a 40% chance of rain, of course. But that won't stop me from hitting the boardwalk, having some cocktails and yummy food and hitting Atlantic City on Saturday evening. I planned to go to the shore by myself (though Dad and Step-mom will be at the house) and enjoying some alone time on the beach. However, my sister decided that she wanted to join me, so I will have some company. Then Saturday night I am meeting a friend in AC for poker and cocktails.
Tonight I am looking forward to quiet evening on Big Brother, take out Italian and the least amount of human contact possible. I have already backed out of drinks with the girls and turned down a dinner invite from a young gentleman. I just need alone time.
This weekend I am heading down to my family's shore house for a little more relaxation and beach time if the weather cooperates. There is a 40% chance of rain, of course. But that won't stop me from hitting the boardwalk, having some cocktails and yummy food and hitting Atlantic City on Saturday evening. I planned to go to the shore by myself (though Dad and Step-mom will be at the house) and enjoying some alone time on the beach. However, my sister decided that she wanted to join me, so I will have some company. Then Saturday night I am meeting a friend in AC for poker and cocktails.
Tonight I am looking forward to quiet evening on Big Brother, take out Italian and the least amount of human contact possible. I have already backed out of drinks with the girls and turned down a dinner invite from a young gentleman. I just need alone time.
Labels:
not me?
Monday, July 06, 2009
A Few Things
July Challenge - So far so good. I am keeping a list of what I have accomplished (or attempted to accomplish) and I am pretty proud of my doings.
1st - Auto Insurance
2nd - DMV license and registration issues
3rd - Emptying 4 laundry baskets of clean clothes which have been sitting around for more than a month; beginning discussions about party planning for Grandma's party with professionals
4th - Finalize catering and party issues; Gather information for certification test which I must take in September
5th - Create file folders for important documents (birth cert., SS card, passport, etc.) and put all information away properly. (I was walking around with my original birth certificate and passport in my purse since going to DMV.)
Today I plan to find out what evening I can renew my passport in person at the passport center in town and get my butt on a study schedule for the test I have to take in September.
Fun Times - I had a really great few days. I napped. Hung out with my friends. Finalized my Atlantic City getaway plan with my sister. And ate Sonic. Twice. (Don't judge me!) Most of my friends were away so there was no bbqing or anything, but we went out to dinner and listened to the fireworks.
Swine Flu - So you thought the scare was over, huh? Well in my world the threat is just becoming real. My sister is a nanny for a family during the summer. Both kids have had boughts of swine since school has let out. They were scheduled to go on vacation this week, but the mother came down with the swine. Since my sister was with the kids all day while they were sick, I wonder how long it will be until she gets it. And then I get it. I am on the watch for symptoms as we speak. The only problem with my digital thermometer has decided only to read in Celsius. Now I have to do math.
So tell me what's on your mind!
1st - Auto Insurance
2nd - DMV license and registration issues
3rd - Emptying 4 laundry baskets of clean clothes which have been sitting around for more than a month; beginning discussions about party planning for Grandma's party with professionals
4th - Finalize catering and party issues; Gather information for certification test which I must take in September
5th - Create file folders for important documents (birth cert., SS card, passport, etc.) and put all information away properly. (I was walking around with my original birth certificate and passport in my purse since going to DMV.)
Today I plan to find out what evening I can renew my passport in person at the passport center in town and get my butt on a study schedule for the test I have to take in September.
Fun Times - I had a really great few days. I napped. Hung out with my friends. Finalized my Atlantic City getaway plan with my sister. And ate Sonic. Twice. (Don't judge me!) Most of my friends were away so there was no bbqing or anything, but we went out to dinner and listened to the fireworks.
Swine Flu - So you thought the scare was over, huh? Well in my world the threat is just becoming real. My sister is a nanny for a family during the summer. Both kids have had boughts of swine since school has let out. They were scheduled to go on vacation this week, but the mother came down with the swine. Since my sister was with the kids all day while they were sick, I wonder how long it will be until she gets it. And then I get it. I am on the watch for symptoms as we speak. The only problem with my digital thermometer has decided only to read in Celsius. Now I have to do math.
So tell me what's on your mind!
Thursday, July 02, 2009
July = Time For Change
I have been inspired by a fellow blogger. That happens frequently, but this time I am going to act upon my inspiration. You all know Nilsa, right? She blogs over at SoMi Speaks and she is totally smart and funny and interesting. Anyway, every month she challenges herself to make a change to improve her life. After several months of reading about her challenges, I decided July 09 was my month to jump on the bandwagon.
See, I am a master at avoiding problems. I can close my eyes (figuratively) to any issue no matter how big or small. The problem is that when you do this enough, small issues become big ones. So I have promised myself that for every day I am going to tackle one problem or issue that I have been avoiding. This may sound simple, but when you avoid the way I do, fixing things is not always easy. However, by the end of the month I should have a better grip on my life and much short To Do List.
So day one, July 1st - Auto Insurance. Yeah. I started out with a doozy. I should have just organized a junk draw and eased myself into this project. But I took the bull by the horns and tackled a huge, multi-day, expensive project.
See, I have a truck that is unregistered and uninsured and currently sitting in my driveway. About a year ago the brakes went on the truck and at the time I didn't have the money to fix it so I took it out of service. I still have a car to drive daily and I didn't really need the truck. I was supposed to quickly decide if I was going to fix it or get rid of it. And now a year plus later, I have decided to fix the truck. So I need to re-register and re-insure the vehicle.
Do you know that insurance companies are pretty skeptical when you have let your insurance on vehicle expire and try to re-insure it? Like so skeptical that they try to deny you coverage although you have a PERFECT driving record. And do you know that once you contact the insurance company to address the issue and fix things, they contact the DMV and get your driver's license suspended because you have had a vehicle without insurance for a year? And the fact that vehicle has never been moved and is on private property is doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And it costs $200 to get you license off the suspended list.
So the mission for Day 2 is going to be a trip to local DMV to get my license off the suspended list, renew my license, which expired on June 30th and attempt to register the truck.
I will probably cry at some point. Pray for me.
See, I am a master at avoiding problems. I can close my eyes (figuratively) to any issue no matter how big or small. The problem is that when you do this enough, small issues become big ones. So I have promised myself that for every day I am going to tackle one problem or issue that I have been avoiding. This may sound simple, but when you avoid the way I do, fixing things is not always easy. However, by the end of the month I should have a better grip on my life and much short To Do List.
So day one, July 1st - Auto Insurance. Yeah. I started out with a doozy. I should have just organized a junk draw and eased myself into this project. But I took the bull by the horns and tackled a huge, multi-day, expensive project.
See, I have a truck that is unregistered and uninsured and currently sitting in my driveway. About a year ago the brakes went on the truck and at the time I didn't have the money to fix it so I took it out of service. I still have a car to drive daily and I didn't really need the truck. I was supposed to quickly decide if I was going to fix it or get rid of it. And now a year plus later, I have decided to fix the truck. So I need to re-register and re-insure the vehicle.
Do you know that insurance companies are pretty skeptical when you have let your insurance on vehicle expire and try to re-insure it? Like so skeptical that they try to deny you coverage although you have a PERFECT driving record. And do you know that once you contact the insurance company to address the issue and fix things, they contact the DMV and get your driver's license suspended because you have had a vehicle without insurance for a year? And the fact that vehicle has never been moved and is on private property is doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And it costs $200 to get you license off the suspended list.
So the mission for Day 2 is going to be a trip to local DMV to get my license off the suspended list, renew my license, which expired on June 30th and attempt to register the truck.
I will probably cry at some point. Pray for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
