So those of you who follow me on The Facebook might have read that I had my feeling hurt this weekend. I guess I do tend to be sensitive. My feelings can get hurt rather easily when I trust or care about someone. I try to be a good friend and I guess I expect a lot from my friends.
That being said, I have had quite a transition in friends in the past two years or so. I lost my very best over something that I still don't understand. We are very slowly trying to reconnect, but I don't think I am every going to get over the way he shunned me. (I like to pretend I am Amish whenever possible.) It was cruel and no matter what he thinks I did to him, I know I deserved an explanation. I will never trust him to be a close friend again.
Then there is the married couple, who I have blogged about a few times. They got married, had a baby and didn't have any use for me anymore. I am no longer invited or welcome to their events and they do not bother to even respond when I invite them places. They didn't ask or care when I lost my business (and then my job) and was going through rough times, but they expected me to be there when they had a baby. I know people grow apart and change, but we were so close. I wasn't supposed to happen to us.
But at the same time as those people were moving out of my life, a great group of girlfriends was moving in. They are supportive, understanding and funny. They have seen the transitions that I have been going through and they are more than enough to fill the voids. I also have been spending time with an interesting guy who cares about me. All in all my life is pretty darn good right now.
Well, back to the point. Every year (or twice a year really) a group of friends take a day trip to the beach on a rented bus. I have gone for the past few years and it is always a lot of fun. And that trip was yesterday. And I wasn't invited. I am not really sure why, but it doesn't really matter. I guess I had no right to expect to be invited, but of course, I did expect it. And it is likely that I wouldn't have gone on Sunday night anyway because my work schedule is different than it has been the past few years. But not being able to go is different than not being invited.
So on Sunday I did my best to avoid everyone who was going on the trip because every time I ran into someone who would ask me "Are you coming on the bus trip?" it killed me to have to say "No". I didn't want to say that I wasn't included. I was flat out rude to a few people because I didn't want to talk about the trip.
I might sound petty. Or silly. It sounds silly to me as I sit here and type this, but nonetheless it hurt my feelings. The situation isn't going to effect my life in any huge way, but having your feelings hurt never feels good.
Monday, July 20, 2009
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19 comments:
My feelings would have been hurt too.
I think it sucks big and I would ask the person responsible for the inviting why you were excluded.
{{HUGS}} It sucks to have your feelings hurt.
It's definitely different when we decide to exclude ourselves than when others decide to do it on our behalf. I'd feel hurt, too, if I were in your shoes.
Tee - Thanks.
Lu - I won't ask why I wasn't invited. It really doesn't matter why. I have a few guesses, but in the end I don't really care why. I will just take it as a learning lesson.
Ron - Thanks you! I does suck.
Nilsa - I think feeling hurt is much worst than feeling mad or angry. I hate it!
My feeling would have been hurt too. I can't help wonder if they just expected you to go since you went the past few times and that an invite was not needed.
Assuming does come with risks.
It's normal to feel left out for certain.
Think of it as finding out who your true friends are. Would you really want to be friends with people who aren't there when you're in need?
It's a clean up time and although it hurts, it's time to rid yourself of people who don't contribute to your life.
This type of thing happened to me in college a couple of times. It really sucks. The worst part was always the "Hey, why weren't you there last night dude?" questions. It really sucks. And you're not being petty at all.
That does suck and my feelings would definitely have been hurt, too. Being excluded sucks. Losing people that you thought were close sucks even more. I feel your pain. Hope the girlfriends can cheer you up! ;)
Ash - I couldn't have been assumed that I was coming. It is a trip where you need to contribute money toward the price of bus. The cost depends on how many people go. I was just not included. No sugar-coating it.
Butterfly - I agree with you. The only people who weren't "there for me" when I need them was the married couple. They were just wrapped up in their own lives - which is normal - I guess. I don't know. I hate that they are no in my life anymore.
Jay - Thanks. I can't help but think I am being petty. I don't have to be included in everything. I don't know.
Dish - My girlfriends rock. They were very supportive of my last night and willing joined my pitty party.
My feelings ARE hurt. I'm sorry.
I spent my entire teenage years being not invited. Others would talk about the weekend events in front of me (or at least loud enough so I could hear and know what I was missing) prior to AND afterwards.
So I know how it feels. And it HURTS.
{{HUGS}}
On behalf of married couples everywhere, I apologize for our thoughtlessness toward our single friends. Our priorities change with marriage but that doesn't excuse selfishness.
Since so many people were asking, and expecting you - perhaps it was an oversight? It seems that people genuinely thought you would be there...
I probably would have responded to one of them my confusion at not being invited and hoped that they would have taken the lead to find out why.
It's a crappy situation though...
xo
I would have been hurt to. Especially if you've done it in the past. It's always hard to lose a friend even if you know it's for the best. In my opinion it's their loss to not have you in their lives anymore!
I'd want to know why but probably wouldn't ask either, but oh I would want to. I know I would be done with them for shunning me. I like to wear my Amish bonnet from time to time too HA! Shun me once shame on them, shun me twice shame on me.
It's not petty, it's how you feel, and it was a shitty thing for them to do.
I don't blame you for snapping at folks, either, because I would have, too. There's only so many times you can take being reminded that you weren't included.
Hugs to you.
Ouch. My feelings would definitely be hurt in that situation. But obviously there were several that didn't know you hadn't been invited. Who's the culprit and what's their problem?
My feelings would have been hurt, too.
I've been married for almost 10 years, and I cannot tell you how many single friends dropped me when they found someone, even though I had made a huge point to include them in my life. I never left them behind, but they had no problem leaving me behind. It's not marriage. It's who you are.
I would have told people who asked that I wasn't invited. But then, I enjoy making other people feel uncomfortable for their bad behavior!
I was left out of the wedding party of a cousin who was like a sister to me. It's been 25 years. It still hurts.
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